My Story - The Christian Online Magazine

“I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.”

My journey began in Pineville , Louisiana . Hulda Jean Mobbs, my birth mother, loved her children dearly but challenges arose in her life and she was unable to raise us. As a young child, Child Protective Services (CPS) separated me and my brothers from my mom because of a sickness that had a stronghold on her life. This was a difficult time for me because I didn’t care how my mother was physically or mentally—I just wanted her to be with me. My aunt helped raise my brother, and me and throughout everything, God still had big plans for my life. After being taken from my mother and my home, my journey really began. Throughout my childhood, I experienced neglect, abuse, molestation, hate, confusion, guilt, low self-esteem, anger, bitterness and the list goes on. Life had become very long and difficult. The enemy used every tactic to try to destroy my self-worth and self-motivation. I became like a delicate flower--if I was touched or treated the wrong way, I felt like I was loosing a part of myself, like I was falling apart. When I was able to live on my own, I just knew that I could take control of my life. Little did I know, my life was not my doing but of God’s controlling. I had begun searching for that part in my life that I wanted and desired so badly. I wanted to be “LOVED.” All I wanted was for someone to love me for me and not to judge me from my past or take my past and use it as a weapon to harm me more than I had already been harmed. Although I was older, things were not better, as we sometimes think when we get out on our own. My life still was not in my hands as I thought, but it was in the hands of the Father. I knew of God from going to church almost every Sunday. The God I knew of was just God to me and not someone that I wanted first in my life or that I could have an intimate relationship with. First of all, I thought, how could someone that is so powerful want anything to do with someone as low and unworthy as me?

I read my bible but didn’t understand it for a long time. My life was spinning out of control. I was seeking for something out of life that I could never find so I kept searching and searching. I couldn’t find the unconditional love that my heart desired until I came to the realization that my only true love is Jesus Christ.

Man cannot ever compete or even be in the same category with Him. In the eyes of man, I was a failure, a nobody--especially by people who knew of my past. I became caught up in the negativity of people and found myself deeper in my mess. I became very tired in my body, mind and spirit. At the age of twenty-four, I had been through a divorce, raped twice, a miscarriage, physically and mental abuse as a child and as an adult, and had attempted suicide more than twenty times. Yet and still, I had no direction in life. I thought that since my life seemed never to get better, I might as well call it quits.

I still had no love and definitely no direction for where I was going in life. My heart had become hardened severely towards people. But something inside of me would not let me give up on life all together. It was like some part of me was still trying to break out of my wounded body. We all go through things in life put a strain on us physically, mentally and spiritually.

My life had been that of a roller coaster ride, but God turned it all around. When I surrendered my life to Him, I began to respond differently to life’s challenges and began to focus on what God created me to be so He could work through me. I learned to praise God whether I was in my storm or coming out. No matter the season or the test, God always deserves the glory. I realized that He is my Creator, and because I am a part of the Most High God, no mistake has ever occurred in my life. I had to allow the Holy Spirit to guide me and request wisdom and direction in my life. I began to stay prayerful everyday and made sure to give God all the praise. Now I am twenty-nine years of age with a purpose in life. Some said I couldn’t make it in college. With Christ, I graduated top of my class with a Bachelor’s Degree in Leadership/Biblical Studies in 2004 and I will be completing my Master’s Degree in Leadership/Management in 2007. In addition, God has allowed me to touch many women of God through my words of encouragement, and through inspirational and devotional writing. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God is with me and that He sent His son to die for me. I have been set free from every yoke of slavery and every stronghold of my past. I wake up each morning speaking life so that it can sink deep down in my pores, circulate through my veins, and come out of my heart. I had to learn, to let go, and let God take over. I began to enjoy the ride. Now, I am not saying it is a smooth ride but it is a ride where I am not the driver, but the passenger, and I know that the driver, the Almighty God, knows where we are going.